Last week I had an amazing week.
A wake-up and smell the roses, call yourself on your stuff, “this is it” kinda week.
There is this issue I have been battling with. Gnawing at, regurgitating, “derms uitryg” sort of around and around the monkey mind circus type of thing. For about four years this “silly goose” has been at it. I kid you not …. four years , people!
Some of you (all of you?!) will know what I mean. When you find yourself in a situation and you just can’t seem to find a way out. If you are anything like me, you exhaust yourself conducting imaginary conversations with people who don’t give you the time of day in real life. I am afraid I spent a great of my very precious energy on “communicating” (ha ha!) with people who have no idea that I am unhappy with them or the situation. Although I suspect maybe there were a few tiny clues.
Last week I finally decided I had had quite enough, thank you kindly.
I sat down in my meditation chair and asked for help.
The next thing I know, I remember a Journey process I experienced more than ten years ago.
During this process, I realized that I had been carrying guilt about the fact that my mother had a breakdown after my birth. I thought I had made her ill.
Turns out I was a gift of healing. I was born so she would get help. Which she did. She experienced no problems with either of her two subsequent pregnancies .
As I remember this realization, it clicks.
This issue I have been ferociously jousting with, in a fashion Don Quixote could only have dreamed of achieving – is ALL IN MY MIND!
Quite literally I have been playing a game, ascribing roles and motives to people who are innocently going about their business of doing the very best they can. As we all do. Constantly!
Poof – it’s gone, dissolved and I am left with the lessons I wanted to learn. Also a feeling of being a silly goose which brings a smile to my face and irons out the furrow that has been developing between my eyes!
Suddenly I know there is a loving explanation for every action and experience because that is all that is real. Only love is real.
Sunday was the anniversary of my mother’s death thirteen years ago. It is as if she herself came to help. The date might have passed me by, but as fate would have it, I received a report about the circumstances surrounding her death on Friday reminding me of the anniversary and my love and connection to my mother.
In my heart, I thank her for this gift – one of so many gifts she gave me when she was alive and long after. I live in a house I bought with money she left me.
I consciously set about unsubscribing to anything that does not honour me and the precious silly goose I like to play at being from time to time..
This time I use my body as a barometer to decide whether something or someone honours the unique being I am. I choose the most loving interpretation of all the experiences that come floating my way as I remind myself : nothing is personal!
Only love is real.